Posts Tagged ‘Denial’

Learn About How To Deal With Parental Changes After A Divorce

Friday, February 5th, 2010

Find out about Parental Changes after a divorce

The emotional dissolution of marriage stages impact upon a parent and how he or she perceives the world and functions. Because the dissolution of marriage is an emotional process as well as a legal process, emotional issues may cause an uninvolved parent to want to be more involved, a parent after adult adolescence wanting re-involvement, and any other variations between parents. The lay person may see this as treating as it is different behavior during the intact marriage and any change is difficult. The changes may be due to the emotional stages that one parent may progress though while the other parent is in denial, totally unaware of the process of the change. The family lawyer should questions whether change is intentional to cause harm or may be the result of the emotional dissolution of marriage. Recognizing that there may be emotional ?baggage? to be dealt with, these issues need the intervention for the parents, and the children, if they are of sufficient age.

Trust building and addressing immediate problems: Much of what may be the barrier to therapeutic jurisprudence and the amicable resolution of issues is the lack of trust between the parties due to the emotional dissolution of marriage. Many of the disputed issues may be non-issues if the issue of trust is treated and not the substantive issue.

Trust lost is not easily regained and can impact upon the parent?s ability to share parenting in the future. Rebuilding trust is a psychological issue and should be delegated to psychological professionals, in conjunction with the family lawyer. The individual counselors for each parent can identify which areas are the easiest to tackle first, and procedures and situations necessary to accomplish that goal. For example, one parent may claim that the other parent sits the children down in front of the television for days, neglecting the children. The suspicious parent calls every two hours to see if the children are okay. The parent with whom the children are is furious that his or her time is so interfered with. This lack of trust in the parenting ability is easily remedied with specific procedures, rather than a motion to limit contact with retaliatory motion for temporary Primary residential custody. First, if the information is coming from the children, then whether or not the children have too much power, too much information, and are telling each parent what he or she wants to hear should be addresses in therapeutic mediation. Stipulations can include the use of notification forms or messages informing the other parent, without adjectives, as to what the children are saying. Second, each parent in a therapeutic mediation session can discuss plans with the other parent, and with that knowledge, stipulations for decreasing telephone calls, until none are necessary because the parent has trust in the other parents parenting.

Find Out About Power And Control In Divorce

Sunday, January 31st, 2010

Read about Power and Control in divorce

Power and control issues may be part of the dynamics of the inter-personal relationship of the marital partners or more significant pathology accompanying complex individual psychological and addiction problems. This is a relationship issue exacerbated by the breakdown of the marriage and the emotional divorce.

Parents who are divorcing come with the baggage of the emotional hurt and anger related to the divorce, and the interplay of beliefs and communication patterning. The communication and conflict resolution is likely to be lacking Either or both parents may say the other is unreasonable. In response, they may take a firm stand that, the other parent, seems unreasonable. Thus, both may appear to be unreasonable to the other. Such perceptions add to their resolve. Standing firm appears to be unreasonable and rigid to others and causes that parent to remain firm and rigid. This pattern is one of self-sustaining conflict. For example one parent is more of a disciplinarian and the other parent becomes more permissive in response. The stricter the one parent becomes, the more permissive the other parent becomes. The extremes are not either?s real positions, but the power and control struggle pushes each into rigid reactions.

One there is identification of this issue as an issue by either party, even if there is a denial of any validity to the claim, both parties should enter into a stipulation prior to proceeding to a regarding evaluation, intervention, monitoring, protections and consequences.

Family lawyers see this pattern repeatedly in a legal dissolution of marriage, whether this is whether a child should attend public or private school, play contact sports, or go to bed a certain hour. The key is to educate the client as to the real issue-power and control, and that it really does not involved the child or parenting. If power and control issues permeate the parents relationship, a professional evaluation may be indicated for many reasons; the parties will benefit from the evaluation findings and recommendations, a plan for future may be developed that serves the best interest of the individuals, the marriage and the children, and, if there is a problem and no compliance with interventions, immediate protections can take place. Ultimately, if it becomes detrimental issue impacting the children?s safety and well being, the evaluation and testimony from the expert will be admissible by prior agreement, if there is any violation of following the expert?s recommendations. It may be that the expert determines that the children need to be evaluated to see if there is damage to them and to determine appropriate treatment and interventions for the children and the entire family.

Immediate and competent intervention and individual and family counseling should be recommended to focus the parties on a solution and new way to interact. The parents need skilful training and education and a refocus to the best interest of the child and the detriment to the child of their course of action. The parties need a well-defined and structured communication plan which can be accomplished through a therapeutic mediation process.

Don’t Believe Every Word

Tuesday, April 21st, 2009

Part of the parent title includes unconditional love. Most parents believe that their child is good and pure, and that they are living by the words they are taught. Some parents use this belief as an excuse to turn a blind eye to a problem, and to ignore the undesirable things they may be hearing about their child.

So many parents protect and defend their children no matter what the cause. This is a somewhat natural reaction, but not when the child is definitely in the wrong. Many parents are embarassed by the behavior and some are just in denial about the problems which exist within their child.

I have always done quite the opposite. When I attend a parent conference, I listen carefully to what the teachers say about my child. When they are with their friends, I am attentive to what they are saying and doing. I am watching to see if they are consistent. Many parents seem to want to remain in the dark about their children and what they are actually doing out there in the world. I am not really sure if their children are just this good at acting or if there is actually a special set of rose colored glasses that they are viewing their child with. In any case, I believe that these parents are in fact pushing these children into denial about their own actions as well.

There are some basic ways to get to know your kids- or anyone for that matter. Things like; Listen to what others are saying. This does not mean believe everything you hear, but factor it into the equation. With your kids, you may have to be nosey. It is your right as a parent to know what it going on with your child, but some things that you learn in this method, should be exposed by catching them in the act, now that you know what you are looking for. Listen to your children. When they talk hear what they are saying and what they are not. If they are telling you about a story that makes them the victim, then ask well what did you do? This will help draw information out. Get to know there friends, and their friends parents. This can help you get a feel for where they are at and what they are in to. Also, feel free to encourage some friendships while discouraging others.

Don’t be their friend. I listen to my children and give them advice. I try to help them with their problems, and I try not to punish them for every little thing, but I am not their friend. Parenting is a responsibility, and ultimately, there are times where you need to pull a power play and being their friend and doing this are not two things that can be done together. Enjoy your children, have a good time with them, and listen to them, but avoid being their friend, this can blur the lines when you need to parent. Don’t assume that they are always in the right, or telling the truth. Hear both sides of the story before sticking up for your child, you may find out that all isnt what you thought.

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