Part of the parent title includes unconditional love. Most parents believe that their child is good and pure, and that they are living by the words they are taught. Some parents use this belief as an excuse to turn a blind eye to a problem, and to ignore the undesirable things they may be hearing about their child.
So many parents protect and defend their children no matter what the cause. This is a somewhat natural reaction, but not when the child is definitely in the wrong. Many parents are embarassed by the behavior and some are just in denial about the problems which exist within their child.
I have always done quite the opposite. When I attend a parent conference, I listen carefully to what the teachers say about my child. When they are with their friends, I am attentive to what they are saying and doing. I am watching to see if they are consistent. Many parents seem to want to remain in the dark about their children and what they are actually doing out there in the world. I am not really sure if their children are just this good at acting or if there is actually a special set of rose colored glasses that they are viewing their child with. In any case, I believe that these parents are in fact pushing these children into denial about their own actions as well.
There are some basic ways to get to know your kids- or anyone for that matter. Things like; Listen to what others are saying. This does not mean believe everything you hear, but factor it into the equation. With your kids, you may have to be nosey. It is your right as a parent to know what it going on with your child, but some things that you learn in this method, should be exposed by catching them in the act, now that you know what you are looking for. Listen to your children. When they talk hear what they are saying and what they are not. If they are telling you about a story that makes them the victim, then ask well what did you do? This will help draw information out. Get to know there friends, and their friends parents. This can help you get a feel for where they are at and what they are in to. Also, feel free to encourage some friendships while discouraging others.
Don’t be their friend. I listen to my children and give them advice. I try to help them with their problems, and I try not to punish them for every little thing, but I am not their friend. Parenting is a responsibility, and ultimately, there are times where you need to pull a power play and being their friend and doing this are not two things that can be done together. Enjoy your children, have a good time with them, and listen to them, but avoid being their friend, this can blur the lines when you need to parent. Don’t assume that they are always in the right, or telling the truth. Hear both sides of the story before sticking up for your child, you may find out that all isnt what you thought.
